Forgiveness Ritual for Daily Accountability

Forgiveness Ritual

Do at least twice a day; at night before bedtime and first thing in the morning as you rise.

Since the beginning of time, it seems that rituals have served humanity.  Now they CAN become routine, ineffective and unnecessarily grand BUT when used consciously and lovingly, rituals can provide a consistency like no other.  Rituals are wonderful in creating an atmosphere of accountability.

In addition, a forgiveness ritual in particular can be powerful in cleansing the mind of guilt and the weight of fear based thoughts.

A wonderful ancient Hawaiian Healing Technique called Ho’oponopono came my way recently.  It’s so simple and powerful.  Dr. Joe Vitale brought it into my world.

It’s based on saying these 4 phrases over and over again, each time with more meaning, until you sense a distinct lightening and cleansing of your being.

I Love You I’m Sorry Please Forgive Me Thank You

This ancient healing technique is said to be responsible for healing an entire psychiatric ward in Hawaii. I encourage you to do some research on the topic.

The basic belief is this: Most if not all of what people put themselves through is based on negative baggage carried from the past.

We hold grudges, we carry guilt, we blame, we hurt, and we’re dissatisfied because of some perception of lack in ourselves or in others; a lack of love, a lack of action, a lack of something.

This sense of lack and dissatisfaction is often connected to prior hurts, personal decisions and/or behavior or, a lack of action on previous commitments.

We NEED to forgive in order to move forward.  Forgiving others is key; asking for forgiveness is as well.

But first and foremost we must forgive our self; Daily.

Getting things done on a daily basis and being at peace in our activities requires daily forgiveness.   Creativity and productivity are hampered by guilt.

Every day we need to drop the baggage of the previous day.

So here is the suggested daily ritual, based on the ancient Hawaiian technique.

I have used this ritual with tremendous success – with clients, loved ones and for myself.

In the morning as you rise, looking in the mirror say the following to yourself:

I love you

I am grateful for another day

I am trying my very best to be accountable

I am accountable for my decisions today

I forgive you for anything that was not forgiven last night

I love you

At bedtime, as you get in bed – a hand mirror is great for this – say the following to yourself:

I love you

I am sorry for anything left undone today

I am sorry for any fearful decisions made today

I forgive myself – I am forgiven for all of it

I am grateful for forgiveness

I love you

Say as many times as needed to truly feel light and loving.

Wishing you Abundant Success,


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21 Days of Accountability to Create a Habit of Success

If you have a goal in mind and it requires daily action,  accountability is your best and most powerful guide.

For any society to function and for any person to perform at their highest and best accountability is key.

Think of all the ways you are accountable each day – you speed or break a law, you will have a consequence if caught, and even if not caught, there is the consequence of  possible guilt; you leave late for an appointment, you will be late; you behave a certain way, you get a particular response – most of the time!  We couldn’t exist without accountability.

Also, in creating new habits, we’re going ‘against the grain.’  As humans we don’t gravitate easily towards change.

Accountability – basically being responsible for your actions (or no actions) – makes daily commitments more likely to be acted upon.  Support groups are effective to the extent that accountability is part of the expectations.

I know from personal experience of having  a coach/accountability partner, I get more done, more consistently when I have to report in to someone at a specific time, on a regular basis!   From professional experience as an executive coach, without a doubt accountability works every time.

In this 21 Days of Accountability ‘event’  we will make use of two accountability methods: partnering (being accountable to someone else) and journaling (being accountable to yourself.)

To be an effective source of motivation, an accountability partner must adhere to certain  guidelines.

Basic Guidelines of Accountability:

  • An attitude of Service:  to be a great accountability partner, you have to want to do it;  a desire to be of service is a key ingredient.   Wanting the very best for your partner is essential.  Wanting to do everything you can to help them stay on task is equally important.  Your partner will respond at a higher level if they’re motivated by your genuine interest and desire to see them succeed.
  • NON-JUDGMENT: No matter what goes on with daily action items, it is not our role as an accountability partner to make any judgments about why something wasn’t done, or about our partner.  Think of being judged – TOTALLY demotivating!
  • Consistency: Stick to the agreements of the partnership.  If you agree that you will be in touch with your accountability partner to give an update – do so.  And if you don’t  hear from your partner, reach out to them.  Create an agreement about what the ‘consequence’ will be if action is not taken as committed.  And what ever is agreed to should be invoked.  Hold your partner accountable!  This is the whole point.

Some additional and necessary characteristics of an excellent accountability partner for this program:

  • Integrity (confidentiality is crucial)
  • Curiosity and interest in meeting new people
  • Commitment to self-improvement (your own and others’ too)
  • Excellent ‘listening’ skills

I strongly recommend that you adhere to these guidelines and come to an agreement with your accountability partner about:

  • Frequency of contact – each person is responsible for checking in with their partner
  • Clarity on daily actions committed to
  • Consequences for IF action is not taken
  • Reward for when you’ve successfully created your new powerful success habit! (and for along the way as well)

About Accountability to YOURSELF:

On a daily basis – for 21 days straight, I highly recommend that you write in an accountability journal about your day.  Write what was accomplished, what wasn’t and why.

This can be very brief – the point is to MAKE yourself write it out so you can hold yourself accountable.  You will become less guilty as well.

You’ll also have an opportunity to give positive self-feedback on a regular basis; this helps with maintaining the high level of motivation needed to be successful.

As you  build the powerful habit of accountability, you have to have a laser like focus on taking deliberate daily action towards this end.  Being single minded about writing, checking in and taking action on your goal is imperative.

If you are NOT coachable in this regard, you will not have much success with creating this new habit.

Have fun with this process, if you slip up, dust off and jump back in.  It’s the only way! 🙂

Wishing you abundant success,



The #1 Key to Success in Creating a New Habit


Think of all the times you have made up your mind to create a new habit, or do a new thing. Quickly, get a vision, without much thought.

Got that storyline in mind?

Now imagine a quilt, representing the totality of your efforts at starting   new thing things.

Can you see the sweep of  tapestry created by all these  various efforts and attempts?

Is the quilt a lovely quilt?  All squares joined up beautifully?

Or, are there holes in your quilt representing those projects not completed, those habits not created? Lots of holes or just a few?

What is the reason – no I don’t mean what ‘happened’ to stop your progress and produce these holes.

I mean, what is the REASON your projects stopped before they ended and your habits never quite got formed?

What is it about YOU and your approach to life – work and play- that produced these  results?

Stay here with me.  Don’t get all caught up in self recriminations.  No time for beating up and indulgent pity parties.

Think clearly – as if you’re thinking about a friend’s life.  What’s one thing about how you approach new projects or habits that could explain the holes in your quilt?

Consider this:               A  C  C  O  U  N  T  A  B  I  L  I  T  Y

Is this the possible explanation for all the starts and stops?

Were you accountbale to yourself or to someone else?

Would that have made a difference in your outcomes?

Being accountable is a cornerstone of successful action.  Completing a project or creating new habits is practically impossible without it.

Taking consistent action is how habits are created.  Discipline is required to take consistent action.  Discipline is automatic accountability. It’s a habit of accountability.

So, if we work on developing the habit of  accountability, we will become a disciplined person.  Then, creating new habits can happen at at will.

How do you build the accountability habit?  Start small.  Find something to do for 21 days straight and do not let yourself off the hook if you slip up.  Have a consequence (equally small) ready and waiting and be sure to implement.

Try this and let me know how it goes.

Reach me at: @JuletteMillien

And please, leave a comment here with your intention – there’s nothing like going public! 🙂

Wishing you Abundant Success,


Don’t BREAK your bad habit!

When breaking a bad habit, we often just think in terms of what we want to get rid of.  This is NOT the best approach.

I remember coaching a client once when  I first started  out,  who was trying to get rid of a bad presentation habit  – placing his  hands in his pockets.

( Lots of problems with your hands being in your pockets while presenting. )

He would force his hands out at my insistence but then be at a loss as to what to do with them.  It was during that coaching session that I got my biggest insight of my coaching career, to  that point.

I had to give the poor soul something to do with them.  All of that nervous energy had to go somewhere, right?  It just wasn’t fair to ask somebody to stop something and not give them something to start.

I ended his misery by giving clear directions about how to USE his hands.  I remember thinking I didn’t want to give him too many things to do – which is why I elected to keep the skill set of gestures out of the session.

But that was a wrong decision.  Jim needed to have something to create.  Breaking a bad habit can’t just be about NOT doing something, that just isn’t enough.

You have to CREATE a new powerful success habit to replace the “bad” one.

So don’t break your bad habit, create a new one instead.  This approach works.  It’s powerful when you work on something positive.  You notice you get less tired when you work like a dog on something positive that you love?

But when you push against something, trying to break a negative habit, you can loose your motivation so much faster and get much more tired of the whole habit breaking thing.

Leave your bad habits alone.  Do something positive instead and you’ll have to get them out of the way to make space for your new powerful habits. They’ll be taken care of,  we just don’t need to focus directly on them.

Makes sense?

I guess that glass really is half-full after all.


P.S.  I’m here on Twitter

What’s Your WORST habit?

First we form habits, then they form us.

Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you.

Rob Gilbert

2009 is around the corner and I’m taking stock.

Habits…the things you do daily, define who you are today and tomorrow.

So I was thinking of success habits, the ones I love and the ones I loathe.   (not too smart to loathe any habit – NOT a strategy for efficient replacement!)

But still I was thinking, and I wondered about that question: “what’s the one thing you can do to change your life the most?” Change your life for the better that is.

That led to “WHAT needs to change the most?”  Subtle difference.  But important.

I think my worst habit is falling asleep with the TV on.  That gets in the way of EVERYTHING to do with the next day, waking up before the house, prayer and meditation, good restful sleep and dreams, productivity.  My children’s day.   It affects EVERYTHING.

Bad habits are like anchor stores in the mall.  A bad anchor – low sales and traffic, spells disaster for the rest of the businesses in the mall.

Now, I’ve managed to NOT let it affect everything.  But the energy it takes to keep things on a powerful tract is significant.

That energy could be directed towards creative juices needed to solve daily challenges – faster and kinder. I can use that energy to produce more quality writings, workshops and solutions.

Energy is not limitless.   Like money, we have to be smart about how we spend it.

So that’s the habit I’m changing.  It’ll be replaced with a powerful success habit of READING my self to sleep.

How about you?  Is your anchor habit powerful and leading you to success, or not?  Which of your ‘bad’ habits is the worst?  And what would you replace it with?

The best way to articulate a statement of change is not simply…I’m going to stop such and such.   It’s always best stated in the positive.

So instead of “I’m going to stop falling asleep to the TV” my statement is this:  “I’m going to  create a powerful new success habit of reading myself to sleep.”  Now in order to do this, I will HAVE to take off the TV and get into my reading chair.

Have you thought yet about the habit that is holding you back the most?  What’s stopping your breakthrough? And what can you start doing instead?

How will your life be changed if you did this?   Who will benefit? What are the benefits? Hmmmm…. 🙂

Let me know your thoughts on this post…leave a comment here and you can also find me on Twitter.

Wishing you abundant success,